What a sneaky heifer you are, BurdaStyle! Right when I think you’ve done everything possible to push me away, you come up with the Honeymooners patterns.

I’m not even a honeymooner, and I surely wouldn’t wear a bikini top with a boucle jacket and a pair of cuffed shorts (wait, what?!).

But something about these patterns, and the pants below–I want them–makes me not want to break up with you so much. Maybe I looked too hard at Mr. Nautical Stripes’ nautical stripes. Mayhaps he knows juju.

And Clear Beads here ain’t too shabby either. I could have that skirt. It could be mine.

I even like the Beachside Beauty collection, particularly the dress below (though the collection name makes me want to vomit and burn a bra simultaneously a little).

Yet, having said all of that, I miss the fashion-forward patterns of old with all of their couture details. They inspired me and scared the angry cats out of me, but I loved them. I miss them.

That is to say, these patterns of late are not them. Maybe you recognized that many of your visitors are novice seamstresses like myself. Maybe you’re trying to engage us by beating us over the head with different iterations of the same relatively basic patterns. I don’t know, but I miss having something to aspire to.

So, full disclosure, I haven’t started sewing yet.  I’ve thought about it . . . earnestly . . . but the timing was never right.  Seemed like I kept getting new Candy Crush lives or a nap was due.

I have visited fabric stores and thought about online notion purchases, so that’s something, right?  Also, what’s up with BurdaStyle lately?  It’s . . . different, and not good different.  Nevertheless, I’ve visited sewing sites too.

The most intriguing thing I found is IKEA’s online fabric department.  Now, I’m not sure if IKEA’s fabric is how I remember IKEA’s furniture, or how the quality of shoddy collegiate furniture translates to painted cotton fabric, but I am intrigued.

I wonder what a black paisley pattern on cotton looks like after a few washes, or what I would make with a fabric that looks like someone’s interpretation of paving stones.  And then, who are these Ulla Bella girls, and why do I want to follow them on Twitter?

When do you have too much furniture?  When your house is a blur of inanimate, legged things.  And, maybe I would have done better with Girl Scouts if the forests looked like this (they don’t look like that at all in real life).  And I’m not a huge fan of hearts, but these hearts are kinda all right.

I also started working on the pattern review for McCall’s 5989.  I would have submitted it today, but I had second thoughts about the photo I was going to upload.  Oh, perfectionists . . .

I finished the Pink Lady two weeks ago and, honestly, I’ve been pretty content to just hang out in her. I haven’t even finished (read started) the pattern review. Somebody (read me) should get her sh*t together and get on that.

I do have thoughts about my next sewing project. I thought about making a See Kate Sew envelope clutch in leather.

But then I asked myself, have you sewn leather before? Do you have any idea what making leather goods is about? I had to answer in the negative.

Then I thought maybe I should make something simple. I need pants and Burda 2938 seems about as simple as a nice pair of trousers can get.

But then I thought about the fitting that would most likely be required and I folded . . . into the fetal position . . . whilst in my new robe.

[Sidebar: is there a limit on the amount of time a gal should spend in a robe? If there is, welcome to the jungle.]

Anyway, pants will happen within the next few months. I need that imaginary badge on my make-believe sash.

I’m assuming at some point I’ll start sewing again (I’m guessing in another week?) but for now I’m pooped. Keep givin’ ’em hell, allergy season!

Soooooo, I hate to finish seams–HATE!  I can’t emphasize this enough.  Something happens, mentally, when I start a sewing project.  All I want is to be done, and finishing seams just seems like busy work.

This is Exhibit A.

Although, in my defense, I chose the wrong fabric for that project.  Plus, I had no idea how bulky the seams would be with the underlining and interfacing.  But the only reason I bothered to half try was that the fabric was loosely woven and shed bits of itself all over my house.  I hate vacuuming too.  Bottom-line: an attempt was made, but a crappy attempt.

Exhibit B: If you look at the inside of my homemade pajama pants, you’ll find a bag of cats.

So, when I finished my robe and saw insides that looked like the below photo, I was impressed with myself.  True, not all the seams are straight, but you gotta tip your cap to progress.

But me being me, things had to go sideways at some point, and that explains my shoulder seams, which I’m pretty sure are ladies . . . that’s the most SFW way I can describe them.  I don’t know where I got that seam finish from (my imagination). However, from now on, if Mama didn’t mention it, I’m not doing it.

I apologize for the wrinkles.  Ever since I finished it, I’ve been living in it.  I’m going to write a review of McCall’s 5989 and all that business, so I guess The Pink Lady (that’s my robe’s name) will need to be washed and steamed before then.  Sigh, Ironing.

I think my personal hell would involve seam finishing, ironing, and vacuuming, Sisyphean style.

One garbage day morning, I woke later than expected.  Worse still, I woke to the sound of a garbage truck closing in on my block.  With the quandary of what to do with unpicked up trash lighting a fire under my bum, I threw on the pants and jacket I found on the bench at the foot of my bed, bypassed all inferior trash for the perennially stinky money bag that is the kitchen trash, and headed for the door.

In the end, I made it to the curb.  But, in the midst of my success, I had also managed to do something quite heinous. I walked out of a home, where I (a home-ful person) live, looking quite homeless.

And this isn’t me being facetious.  This was me on Triumphant Garbage Day: Hair fighting atop my Zapzyt dotted face, a black waist-length motorcycle-style jacket, a knee-length oversized pink Winnie the Poo Shirt (it was a gift, no one knows why I kept it), sky blue patterned pajama pants, and black rain boots.

The moral of the story:  Fair Lady needs a robe (among other morals which will probably be revealed to me as time passes).

The problem is that I hate robes from an aesthetic point of view.  The robes I frequently encounter are utilitarian: straight, unflattering lines, boxy pockets . . . bleh.  Enter McCall’s 5989.

I love ruffles so I was drawn to and torn between McCall’s 5989A and Butterick 5723A.  But the shorter sleeves and longer ruffles on 5989 won me over.  Sidebar: I also bought Butterick 5571 just in case the ruffles didn’t pan out.

So far, things are working out dandy . . . well, except for one little construction issue:  the point where the collar joins the shoulder.

What’s happening right there?  I fumbled with it for hours and that’s the best I could do.  And hey, McCall’s, if a pattern is labeled easy, might be nice if the instructions were thorough.  Whatever.  That’s the collar up appearance.  Collar down–and collar will be down–no one will know.

Normally this would be one of those imperfections that would cause me to throw this whole project out.  However, when weighing crazy shoulder seams against waist length jackets atop oversized threadbare Pooh shirts, well . . . collar down.  If all goes well, I can be properly attired before next garbage day.

Until then, bask in the glory that is this Ann Taylor Loft jacket.

Sigh, I want, I want.  Of course, since I don’t want to run into anyone wearing my jacket, I can’t buy it.  Also, I couldn’t find it on the Loft’s website.  Nevertheless, it’s a peach.  One day I’ll make a jacket like it and this thing, it will be a thing of magnificence.

Once again, I have crawled out of a hole to rejoin the land of the living. Mighty nice daylight you people have here. I may stay a while.

There are many reasons months have passed without me posting a thing. I could enumerate them all, but I’d rather sum it up by saying, “Hi, my name is Fair Lady and I’m a perfectionist.”

What do my perfectionist ways have to do with my absence? Well, let’s say you sew a dress and you want to post about it. If you’re a perfectionist, you have to fret about the right lighting for the pic, the right pose to display all the garment’s details, the weight you’ve gained since your last post, and the rug you’re standing on which needs to be vacuumed.

Next thing you know, you’ve worn the dress so many times you’ve almost forgotten you made it, and your blog is none the wiser. You couldn’t write a post about the dress if you wanted to now. That was two projects ago, and hell if you remember the fabric content of the material or why you passed on the lining. Those were details known by November You. November You is not much of a sharer. And April You doesn’t believe in looking back.

But it is April, and April is all about big ideas (see the Easter Pledge). So here’s my big idea for April 2013: Miscellaneous Monday. What is Miscellaneous Monday? A weekly post about whatever sewing-related thing I choose to write about, with a few provisions. The biggest one is that any pictures must be taken with my phone so there isn’t a chance of obsessing. Also, clearly the posts must be published on Monday. Other than that, I’m free as a bird.

Maybe this will lead me to posting more regularly? See how that last sentence was a question? I’m so certain this will be a success. Yes I am. Yes . . . I . . . am.